I Never Thought Turning Eighty Would Be So Much
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If You're On A Budget
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New Yorker July 31st, 2006
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Excuse Me, But I Think You're In My Seat
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The Man Who Knew Enough
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Is that all you can think about
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Costco On A Saturday
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It's Not You - It's Natural Selection
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Tech Support
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I'm Burning My Little Black Dresses And Moving
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I Was Going To Wake You Up With Oral Sex This
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Feeling Stupid Yet? No? Then Keep Going!
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Forget It, Josh - Neither Of Us Has The Time
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Would You Mind Taking A Picture
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What Makes People Wear Clogs?
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The Passive-agressive Door-holding Game:
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I Paid Three Grand For This Dress - I'll Wear
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I'm Kind Of Enjoying Black-tie Fridays
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Moist Towelette To Cleanse Your Palate?
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By Easter, A Pardoned Turkey Has Often Lost All
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The Johnsons have a dragon
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First Cats To Be Domesticated
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Throw In One Of Those Brochures About Refinancing
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It's 4 A.m. - Maybe You'd Sleep Better If
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Star Running-back Zigzag Johnson
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More Port For Dr. Johnson. And More Ink For Mr
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Am I Having An Affair? Why? Am I Allowed?
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Finally! Cheap Is The New Black!
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I'd Like To Start Seeing Other Castaways
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It's An Epic Novel About A Guy Who's Trying
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I'm Not Trying To Be Beautiful
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Take My Coffee - It's Worth Five Dollars
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And This Is My Significant Mother
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It Says, 'someday You Will Die.'
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Wait - I Almost Forgot Why I Called
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It's James Earl Jones From Verizon Again -
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Jen? You Seem A Little Withdrawn
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New Yorker April 2nd, 2007
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Excuse Me, But For Some Reason
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We'll Be Single Again In Heaven
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Honey, I Got A Brand-new Bow For Our Car!
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I'm Running Late - Some People Were Waiting
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Jennifer Felt Perfectly Safe Walking
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You May Already Be A Nobel Prize Winner!
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New Yorker November 7th, 2005
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I Don't Understand Why You Insist On Pushing All
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You Fight, You Don't Have Sex - Isn't It Time
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Sometimes I Think You Only Married Me Because
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I'm Looking For Something Less Empowering
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You May Now Begin Your Insane Experiment
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Due To A Bomb Scare At Times Square
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Dab A Little Of This Behind Your Ears. It'll
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Your Early Stuff Was Funnier
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Vaccine Reveal Party
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Four Minutes on the Clock
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I Hat Them Both So I'm Voting For The Libertarian
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Three's A Party
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New Yorker April 24th, 2000 #1
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That Bill Moyers Makes Me Feel One Hundred
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Presidential Allergies Through The Ages:
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Just Where Dad Said It Would Be
Donald Reilly
Healthy Enough For Bacon
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Man In Kitchen Surrounded By Dishes
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Take Your Time
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This all started with the Fancy Feast
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Who's A Good Dog?
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The Cat Has To Go
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And on the 8th Day
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Turning It Off And Taking A Nap
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